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Memo, Nov 21 2003 TO: CSB I think that last memo is the best one I've ever done. Have you noticed the disturbing trend over the last week of entire movie theaters full of dead people? They walked into The Matrix Revolutions alive, but when the ushers come in and clean up, not a living soul in the audience. I actually ran to the bathroom a few minutes from the ending, and when I came back, my date was dead and so were the friends we ran into, and apparently from natural causes, no less. I can only conclude one of two things: 1) We are all in the Matrix and at the end of The Matrix Revolutions it is revealed to us through the movie that we are all in the Matrix and then we are released, resulting in our lifeless avatars slumping over dead in the theater. OR 2) The Matrix Revolutions kills anybody who watches it. I'm kidding, of course... I didn't have a date. But I'm seeing the Matrix Revolutions again tomorrow to see if I missed anything, although I'm pretty sure I didn't. I'm pretty sure everything that the Wachowskis felt like explaining was explained, and everything the Wachowskis didn't feel like explaining was left open. But seriously, folks, I come to bury the Matrix movies, not praise them. But I'm also not going to rip them apart, either. I have a bit of respect for the Matrix films, even if I can't quite bow before them. The new movie even has something to like, something to dislike, something new, something old, borrowed blue, blah blah blah. All I know is that the Matrix thing is over. Our generation's Star Wars is over. (and it really is our generation's Star Wars, because anybody who wants to know the end of Return of the King can crack open the book. Nobody knew that in the end of The Matrix...) So, now I'm going to spoil the Matrix Revolutions for everybody. No, really, I'm talking plot points. Really, I'm spoiling it. Spoilers ahead. I'm talking I'm going to give away who dies. Seriously, I'm revealing who dies in a couple of sentences. Like, if, say, they were going to kill off Morpheus, I'd reveal it soon. Like in the next sentence. So anyway, in The Matrix Revolutions, Trinity dies. Dies dies dies. As in dead. As in not coming back. As in not living happily ever after. As in DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. As in not even a Spock neck-grab to save her. As in the character is so dead by the end of the movie that there can be no spin-off no way. No coming back. Trinity is dead. That took balls. Would they have killed Leia in Jedi? They wouldn't even kill Han Solo, as much as Harrison Ford insisted on it. But they killed the single most iconic, audience enduring character from The Matrix, after numerous close calls and one brought-back-to-life. I tip my hat, even though they gave her a three-page death speech that ensured that not an ADD geek in the house would miss her much. Then again, that long death speech is rather brilliant in the way it lets the audience know that, yeah, she really is going to die. If she just flopped over, you'd think, "Oh, they're bringing her back." But by giving her the long-talk at the end, it's the nail in the coffin. By the way, the girl next to me cried hard-core during Trinity's death speech, so don't claim the Polish boys didn't know what they were doing. And if that third Matrix movie shows off anything, it's that those Polish boys know what the hell they're doing (that's the Chicago-born Wachowski brothers, Andy and Larry, uh... I think. It's in their contract that they don't have to do any interviews or publicity or even show up to their own premiere, and their first names are not in the credits, so... for all I know, their names are Fi-Fi and PooBoy). The movies are not the greatest films ever made, nor are the arguments that they are terribly invalidated and unfounded. But... well, you've got to admit. Great film franchises are few and far between, and The Matrix is one of those rarities: an original (i.e. not from previous source materials in a way that any court could prove) story that reached a big audience and made a shit-load of money. Just like the original Star Wars in 1977. AND... three consistent installments. At least as consisent as Episodes IV, V, and VI. "BUT!" you all scream, "THE FIRST MATRIX WAS SO GOOD!! THE SECOND AND THIRD ONE'S BLOW!! WHAT'S SO CONSISTENT ABOUT THAT?!!!" Jesus, calm down. And consider this, the reasons commonly given for the second and third movies blowing are as follows: long speeches of philosophical psycho-babble, cheesy and goofy one-liners, stoic and colorless acting from just about everybody, the limited acting of The Wind That Blows Through the Mountains, and finally, endless action sequences that don't accomplish anything except to impress with their special effects and choreography. Well... okay, I saw The Matrix once. The original. I have watched the entire thing only once, on opening day, in the theater, in 1999. Haven't watched the whole thing since. But I do remember liking it. It was cool. In spite of the long speeches of philosophical psycho-babble, cheesy and goofy one-liners, stoic and colorless acting from just about everybody (except the always brilliant Joey Pants), the limited acting of The Wind That Blows Through the Mountains, and finally, endless action sequences that don't accomplish anything except to impress with their special effects and choreography. Seriously, folks, aren't all three of these flicks like this? Doesn't the original even have a terrible Kid in it? That's not new, I'm sure I saw a terrible Kid in the original. He designed the girl in the red dress. But the original Matrix remains for me what it always was: an ingenious movie in that it allowed these two geeky guys to invent a story that could contain the conventions of all of their favorite genres from kung-fu to post apocalyptic to gun battles to anime to mind-fuck to shooting things from a flying machine of some kind, with elements of Star Wars/Terminator/all Hong-Kong JohnWoo/all Jet Li/Mad Max/Blade Runner/2001 and even a bit of techno and vinyl fetish gear to boot. Plus, the Wachowskidi's fascination with masculine-yet-still-hot women, leftover from the gay-gal worship in Bound (seriously, who's hotter in Bound? Violet or Corky? The one and only correct answer is.... Corky Corky oh Corky), found new heights in everyone's new Xena, ah Trinity. Who they fucking KILL in Revolutions! The court murmurs; "Jesus, what balls!" So I like the sequels even more, mostly because they piss off the fans of the original something fierce. And they push every aspect of the original to ridiculous new heights. The Matrix had some philosophical psychobabble? Enough to make some people go, "Hm," while everybody else goes for junior mints and a bathroom break. Well RELOADED has NOTHING BUT Philosophical Psychobabble! So much fucking psychological psychobabble that you can't even shake a stick at it, the room is so cramped with it! NO ROOM TO SHAKE A STICK! Seriously, what's so hard to understand about that Architect scene? He basically just says "There is no such thing as free will." And then Neo proves him wrong... only to prove him right at the end of Revolutions... or something, whatever. I thought it was a cool scene, and saved Reloaded from just being an over-inflated version of the original. A lot of people hated it, and thought, "...the fuck is this? What was that French guy talking about?" But seriously, if you're going to watch a pop-pulp action flick, why not be original and have the dialogue be directly from an easy-reader summary of most modern empirical and classical thinkers. What would you rather have? Goofy one-liners? Well... there are a few of those too. But for everybody who complained about the Indian stereotype in the train station in Revolutions, seriously... how many other movies have a moment to sit back and enjoy an polite Indian stereotype discussing the practical existence of love? Followed by Bruce Spence kicking Keanu Reeves's ass. Such are the singular sublime pleasures of The Matrix movies, and I don't understand why everyone is so disappointed by the new ones. They are what the first was and always has been, aren't they? Kind of goofy in a too-serious way, action packed in a laboured kind of way, with a lot of monotone line readings and cuts between close-ups in dialogue driven scenes, and... well, the best damn under-over-acting I've seen in a mainstream movie villain yet by Hugo Weaving as that Smith dude. In Revolutions, he takes this character to the absolute limit, and every scene with him is like a demonic re-discovery of "I hate this place" in the original. That last fight might be absolutely endless (and just short of pointless), but it's worth it for me, for Hugo Weaving's face when he asks, "Is it over?" (By the way, somebody asked me about the point of those endless fight scenes which are, in essence, not about physical prowess, but about two video game beings punching each other. Take it like this: the physical representation of one video game being not willing to psychologically yield to the other... OR... what would a Matrix movie be without kooky fights?) And there are even subtle touches that I didn't register until hours later, such as Smith saying "Cookies need love like everything else." Hee hee... that's cute. PLUS, I feel that the design and direction of the action in these movies puts the redundant slashing scenes in Kill Bill to director shame. Sure, Kill Bill is far bloodier, and that's cool. But the way the attack on Zion in Revolutions builds and builds, shot to shot, character to character, with a clarity and an intensity that I thought was absolutely lacking in Tarantino's flick and vaguely reminded me of the best Cameron stuff... ....and then, as my BROTHER put it... "Why didn't they go all the way and play John Fogerty everytime The Kid was on-screen?" Some people groan at the thought of such awfulness. I giggle in mad hysterium. Imagine that mecha-suit lumbering along while you hear "Put me in coach! (clap clap!)" Now I do understand the disappointment in the ending of the universe in Revolutions, as they just don't quite tie up all the questions. I had a few. So we keep the Matrix and Zion, what happens to the people in the Matrix? Do they all get freed? What does Zion do now? Do they ever clear out that pollution and see the damn sun? What do they do for food? Maybe they all go back into the Matrix, I dunno. Is the Matrix just there now for the programs to exist within? I feel this is explained by more artistic control being given to directors, especially writers who direct. After HULK! IT'S ALL A METAPHOR! We now have The Matrix: It's All a Metaphor! I like ambiguity in movies, I like unresolved stuff in movies, but if you're going to end your trilogy definitively and claim that you'll never explore that universe on film again (claimed by both brothers AND Joel Silver)... don't you have to answer that questions? But writers who direct love for implications to speak for themselves, therefore... in the end, it's all a metaphor. For what? For life itself. Does anybody remember that the surname of Schwarzenegger's character in Commando is Matrix? "Remember when I said I'd let you live? I lied." Each of these three flicks has pros, cons, original rip-offs, blatant rip-offs, missed opportunities, unexpected developments... they're three pretty inoffensive and sometimes suprisingly awesome summer-type movies. In the third flick you've got a bloody Trinity and Neo fist-fight somebody in the real world, nifty, a disfigured main character, cool, a badass named Mifune, nice tribute, Harold Perrineau, best human performance in these movies, as convincing as special effects ever have been, less Toy Story, nice, Bruce Spence, rock on if underused (but don't worry, he's also in Return of the King AND the new Star Wars. He'll be the Mouth of Sauron in Return of the King. He'll be the Helpful Alien in Star Wars III. Tell me, which film-maker has his head and ass wired straight?). You've also got the French guy and his hot Italian wife barely even acknowledging their role in the previous flick, you've got no sympathy or awareness of all the helpless souls still stuck in the Matrix itself, you've got unclear stakes, unanswered questions, and put me in coach... All in all, the movie is fine. And if anybody says they were confused about whether Neo is alive or coming back or what, refer them to the nearest bible. Fact is, the Matrix happened, it's over and done with, now all you big Matrix fans have only the video-games and animated spin-offs to look forward too, and the rest of us can wait for the next batch of over-hyped movies. And now maybe the Wackolowskidibops can fulfill the promise of Bound and make some actual good movies. With close-ups of Gina Gershon's lips in them. I'm already in line. Don't forget to tell people how to get in touch with us. |