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Memo, June 2 2003 TO: CSB Speaking of drugs, but I know the people who made Analyze That intended it to be a "fun" movie that would make $200 million. What they don't realize, and that perhaps it's important they don't realize, is that it's actually a movie made for people on codeine recovering from oral surgery. Because honestly, what am I going to watch while I'm in that limbo between constant pain of the mouth and cotton covered clouds of codeine choma? What innocuous new release can I hook up to my morphine drip? UnFaithful? The Weight of Water? Night At The Golden Eagle? Something I've already seen? I can't rent the Ron Jeremy Story, I'm actually interested in that and I don't want to miss anything if I pass out. And if I rented something akin to, oh, say, Dreamcatcher, a movie I'm paraphrasing myself by stating that it's as if The Goonies dropped acid and then went through the plots of every single Stephen King book to date, beginning with the boys from Stand By Me making the pact from It with the gift from The Shining and going to the cabin in Gerald's Game to fight the aliens from TommyKnockers and get caught in the middle of the Stand? Watch that on drugs and the brain would collapse just trying to make sense out of it. Because that's what your brain on drugs does NOT understand under any circumstances; that not everything has to make sense. And Char; Dreamcatcher does not make sense. And neither does Analyze That. It espcially doesn't make sense that the first character Robert DeNiro would reprise in his entire career is uh... well, Robert DeNiro from Analyze This. Except he's not really, he's actually playing Rodney Dangerfield from Caddyshack for much of the film. Any case, it's one of those movies where you hope everybody had a really good time making it, because you genuinuely like most of these people and don't want them to be ruined by Analyze That being so weirdly godawful. I didn't laugh once, but I enjoyed watching it. I also enjoyed watching the ceiling occasionally during the run of the film. It was like this... "Hey, it's Jake LaMotta's wife! Cool! They're together again, in a movie!.... Hey... I like that lamp! Hey, that's my lamp! I can turn it on and off! Awesome!" Or even better, "Wow, Anthony LaPaglia is really bad at doing an Australian accent," and then finding out 12 hours later that Anthony LaPaglia actually is Australian by birth and probably had that accent once... and still not caring enough to rewatch any portion of that film sober. That kind of movie. Nothing to really upset a drugged person hoping to kill a few hours in recovery. But let's dwell a moment on the important aspect... Robert DeNiro has never reprised a single one of his characterizations EXCEPT... for Robert DeNiro in Analyze This. There is a certain dignity in that, isn't there? The only character he'd cheapen with a sequel is the one that was more of less the cheapest to begin with. Or rather, one of the few that he produced himself as a bankable concept, therefore ensuring his coin. But it's not as if Casino is sequel ready. Many of his characters are dead and would produce redundant prequels. If they had made Godfather 4 with young Sonny, Michael, Tom Hagen and Fredo with DeNiro as Vito, I like the idea of today's DeNiro playing the Don... but then consider what young actors they would stick in the other parts. Most young actors who headline movies these days are boys who appeal to general audiences with their natural charisma. Name me one young actor who can follow up Robert Duvall and I'll eat my hat. But who wants to see Stanley and Iris 2? Return to The Mission? We're Still No Angels? Untouchables: The Syphilis Years? Another Awakening? Angel Heart 2: Revenge of Mickey Rourke? Still Guilty By Suspicion? Another Night and the City? Jackie Brown 2: Louis Lives? Or a followup to the Deer Hunter starring DeNiro and Meryl Streep trying to raise their children in post Vietnam America... actually that sounds kinds of interesting. Or was that Jackknife? Personally, I'd pay good money to see the return of Rupert Pupkin, but I'd be alone and there'd be no story. Just like Brazil: The Sequel would be a creative dead-end, as would a character comedy like Mad Dog and Glory. I never want to see Dwight from This Boy's Life again. The sequel to Midnight Run would, realistically, be crap. I'd pay to see Ronin 2, but, y'know, it probably wouldn't be able to live up to the first. Don't even get me started on Once Upon A Time In America. Did someone really call that one a masterpiece? So maybe DeNiro is to be admired for only playing the same explicit character twice by slumming in the sequel to DeNiro slumming. For example, note the increasingly ineffective returns to Hannibal Lecter by Anthony Hopkins. Or Al Pacino being a hoo-wa away from playing the same character for ten years now. Nicholas Cage movies being split into two categories; Cage the Actor and Cage the Movie Star. Gene Hackman showing up in any film he doesn't have to make an effort for. Dustin Hoffman proving time and time again that people will praise any performance as long as it's full of idiosyncratic mannerisms. And Sean Penn really picking up the mantle of DeNiro by being in a lot of movies, almost all of which are completely beneath him. So can we still appreciate DeNiro? How can anyone even hope to repeat his successes? DeNiro has already made his name as one of the greatest screen actors ever, and now, instead of milking his prior success, he's producing successful Hollywood crap, and occasionally banking on his name as a box office draw. He's been working steadily for a long time, and perhaps we should be happy for him. After all, even in the worst shit, DeNiro has an amazing life on screen. He is in the moment more than any other slumming great actor I've seen. He pays attention to his scene partners, and knows how to give and react with authentic emotions and authority. If you think he's sleepwalking through his performances, just listen to DeNiro on a DVD commentary. He's shy, quiet, uncomfortable in his own skin, he hems and haws, and yet when he performs he's in command of his own presence. In its own way, that is admirable. Plus, he hasn't yet played a Batman villain or shown up in a movie starring a pop diva. He's still got something to save. So join me in celebrating DeNiro's return to the screen in Analyze That, by not booing but championing the current projects in development. I can't wait for Al Pacino as John Milton in The Devil's Advocate 2! And Jack Nicholson as Bobby Rydell in Anger Managment 2! And Robert DuVall in, I dunno, Deep Impact 2! And Harvey Keitel reprises his most famous role in U571-2! And Christopher Walken IS Bobby Khan in Wayne's World 3! While somewhere in some studio vault lie the dusty, yellowing pages of comissioned scripts for the followups to Serpico, The Great Santini, and the second sequel to Chinatown. Every time a shitty sequel to a shitty movie comes out, just remember, at least it's not the remake of Casablanca. Although... every time a shitty sequel comes out... I do get a burn inside over the fact that it's not Buckaroo Banzai vs. The World Crime League They could get Chow Yun Fat to play Hanoi Xan! Groovy! Slap in your IV drip, go watch The Killer again, and don't forget to tell people how to get in touch with us. |